They are really cute shoes. They were on sale during tax-free days, so I should feel good about getting a bargain.
When I got home and put the shoes in her room and stopped and looked at them,
I felt so sad.
They are big. Big enough for an 8 year old.
I felt sad for Claire because for eight years she has had no one who is hers. She has had people around her, loving her and taking care of her, but as soon as they finish their shift, they go home to their own families. As soon as her immediate need was met, they went on to the next child who needed something.
I felt sad for me, too. I've missed so much. I am not the keeper of memories from her early childhood. I can't tell her how much she weighed on the day she was born, or whether she had hair or not. I don't know about those first steps, or even the first lost tooth. I wasn't at her bedside during all those long days she spent in the hospital. I don't know what makes her afraid, or what calms her down. Yes, I'm sad for both of us.
I'm also glad.
I'm glad for both of us. God is putting us together and making us into a family. That is what is in His heart to do. "God sets the lonely in families," "God settles the solitary in a home, " (Psalm 68:6, NIV, ESV).