Wednesday, August 8, 2012

That Awkward Moment

Daniel and I had just come home from a long, hot shopping trip. I sat down to check email while he was searching the kitchen for food.

It was a little email.  All it said was, "Can you call me?"

My heart sank.  Normally our wonderful agency just gives us information in an email and is available for discussion if we have questions.  If this needed to be said in person,  it must be something was wrong.  My stomach sank as I dialed and waited for the receptionist to forward the call.  Was there a piece of paperwork that wasn't right?  Had some document expired?   Had they decided I was too old to be a mom?   So many negative thoughts in just a few short seconds.

Then Karla said, "We weren't really expecting this, but we just received your TA."

Oh my!  I don't know what I said.  I could hardly remain standing.  I didn't expect such a physical reaction to this news.  After all, it is what we have been working toward for over a year.  How come my heart was pounding and my knees suddenly felt like rubber.

Karla was asking questions about when we could travel. I think I said we could go anytime.  Then she suggested the 19th.  I made it to the calendar and saw that Kelly had something written there.  Somehow I managed to say something about needing to talk to him first, that I'd get back to her.  I hope she understood me.  I was a little giddy and not too sure I was making sense.

I sat down and started talking to myself and to Dan who was still in the kitchen.

We have TA.  We are going to China.  Oh my.  I didn't expect to hear anything for another week or two.  The paper says it takes 3-4 weeks for TA after your Article 5.  I wasn't even going to start hoping for it until  two weeks had passed.  But it has only been a week--ONE week!

Deep breath.  My voice was still shaking with  excitement as I continued.

I asked God if He would mind helping this happen sooner rather than later. I asked Him  this morning. I was worried about the October holidays in China. I was concerned about the more expensive hotel costs during the month of October. I was worried about how few vacation days Kelly has and how he wants to travel over Labor Day because those days won't count in his vacation time.  I was remembering Claire's parting shot as she left our Skype call last night, "Hurry up and come get me and take me to America!"  So I asked God to speed things along, and He did. I didn't expect Him to say yes! How am I going to get ready!  I have so much to do!  Oh, I'm not ready! Oh, I'm going to have a baby!

Dan, in typical teenager speak, simply says, "That awkward moment when you get what you asked for."

That made me laugh. Laughter is good medicine.  It calmed my racing mind and let me remember that during those early morning prayers I had also agreed that God's timing was always perfect and I would accept His plans for travel--whatever they were.  I was just expecting  to  accept another long delay instead of  being surprised with what I wanted.

I've apologized to God because I didn't really believe He was listening to my prayers. I've thanked Him for the awesome amount of grace and mercy He  pours out on me over and over--even when I'm being daft. I've praised Him for making so many impossible things happen and for reminding me once again, that His love has nothing to do with my performance or my ability to understand what is going on.  He is amazing!

So amazing that we get to go to China and meet a little girl He loves so very much. I get to be her mama.

She knows laughter is good medicine, too. 

1 comment:

  1. I have been praying since I met Claire last summer that someone would "hurry up and go get her and be her forever family!" Rejoicing with you!