GULP!

Kelly just wired  $10, 573 to our coordinator in China. 

My stomach is doing weird things over this.  I'm not sure why. 

Maybe it is just because this is the largest sum we have had to pay out all in one lump. 

The rest of the $30,000+ has been in payments of around $2000 or less at a time. 

I still don't get why this feels so disturbing. 

Maybe it is because I'm not really sure where it all came from or how we happen to have that much money in the bank to wire.  God has been taking care of so many things while I've been distracted with painting a room and finding clothes to fit a little girl.  This is good news, because it proves that He has got this adoption thing.  I don't need to panic over the cost of train and plane tickets in China, or the medicine that costs $700, or the upcoming bills to the Adoption Clinic for a complete medical and psychological evaluation of our new daughter.  God has it all.

This really should make me excited not uneasy.

Maybe I've bought into the cultural view of money.  Do I feel like I should be getting some thing for my money?  Or do I believe all those people that think we are crazy for doing this and should be going on a cruise instead of adopting?  Would I feel better if I was plunking down this cash for a car or a boat instead of a child?

Nah. 

Really, I just don't like spending money.  I stress over $3 for a loaf of bread at the grocery store.  It bothers me to spend $100 on a pair of shoes.  I hate spending $50 to go with my family to see a movie. 

If I multiply the way I feel spending those amounts by about 10, 000, that would explain how I feel today.

The best way to make this crazy feeling go away, me thinks, is a big hug from my girl. 

Yup.  That will be worth feeling uncomfortable with all this money stuff.