Thursday, October 18, 2012

So Tired

The absence of new posts here does not mean that nothing is happening. It means that each day and night is filled with so much that I can't even keep up with processing it in my own head.   It means that Claire demands my attention all day she literally started wailing at the top of her lungs anytime my attention wasn't fully on her.  Yup, wailing when I went to the bathroom, wailing whenever the phone rang (sorry to anyone who called today) and hollering if I talked to someone else in the house.   It means that my nights are broken into short snatches of sleep between her waking to go to the bathroom, waking just to see if I'm there,  and trying to crawl onto my air mattress with me during the night.  I will let her stay if morning is only a couple hours away, but she twists, turns, flings her arms and generally leaves me feeling a little beat up--not a restful way to get through the night--so I am putting her back in her bed multiple times a night. I'm on a mattress only a few feet from where she is sleeping.   Eventually, she is going to settle down and start sleeping through the night---right?

I'm also weary from our trip to Birmingham.  Anytime I stay in a hotel is not a good time for sleep.   Spending an entire day doing medical stuff is exhausting.  Not even a lunch break.  Kelly ran to McDonald's to bring back some food to eat between doctors. While we don't have results back on most of the tests, the things we did learn so far are a heavy burden to my heart. Developmental and IQ testing sort of matched the suspicions that were growing in my mind--but I was really hoping to be wrong.  I hated seeing those numbers in writing.  I'm struggling against the temptation to worry--okay, panic is more like it--but am endeavoring to leave my fears with my heavenly Father and trust that He knows what He is doing.

A little reminder of God's care for the details came when we got a check in the mail from friends to help cover some of our travel expenses.  Then, some unknown person paid half of our adoption clinic fees.  Just when I was wondering how we were going to manage with the septic tank giving out, the medical bills coming in, expenses for Dan at college, and the changing car scene after Ben's accident a couple weeks ago, God reminded me that He has all of it.  I don't need to worry.

Thankfully, after half a day of practice with pretend phone calls, Claire mastered the "be quiet" routine.  Good thing, because the next call was one of the doctors.  I had asked that they review the MRI results to see if Claire's other organs were visible, and if they were positioned correctly. If the heart is in reverse, it is possible that other parts are misplaced as well.  The good news is that everything but her heart seems to be where it belongs.  The bad news is that the spleen and liver are enlarged.   Of course, this means we need to schedule appointments with  more kinds of specialists and have more tests done.  Glad I'm remembering that God has all these details and I don't need to worry. 

A little music, no matter how out of tune, brightens any day.

A big red leaf will make the table pretty and helps us all be cheerful.

A picnic lunch with "my sister."   It was good learn where Jenny is staying now, but it continues to be difficult not to worry about the choices she is making. 

These two don't appear to have any worries of any kind.  Wish that hammock could hold one more so I could take a nap!

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