My heart is so very full, and my brain is so very tired, so these words won't be elegant, but I hope they will convey the fact that our amazing God is still intimately involved in our lives, and in the business of restoring all that is broken and making something beautiful.
The morning started with Claire Kaichen bouncing onto my air mattress and telling me that you don't sleep at daytime. If the sun is just slightly up, it qualifies for day in her eyes. We ran through our usual routine of getting her wet bedding into the laundry and cleaning her up and getting her dressed. Then we go to my bathroom where she serves as my audience as I get ready for the day. Well, today the routine altered because she brought her babydoll along. The baby was dancing on the counter, the side of the tub, the ironing board, and then in the shower. Uh-oh. The shower was still wet and the baby's dress got wet. So, Claire took the dress off and then left. She went to get another dress for her baby.
After not leaving my side for days, she went out of my bathroom, through the bedroom, through the kitchen, across the living room, down the hall and into her room to find a new dress! She was brave enough to walk out of my sight! She didn't drag me with her. She didn't stand and cry at the door. She actually went alone. AND...I later found the wet dress on top of the washing machine! Oh my, she also went down the other long hall to the laundry room all by herself!
Most folks don't get why I'm even mentioning this. Well, I'll tell you. She clings to me out of fear that I'll disappear and she will be left alone. When she has the courage to walk out of sight, she is showing that she believes I will stick around. She is starting to trust me not to leave her. This is a wonderful, amazing, joyous development! Plus...it feels really good to get dressed without an audience.
But that isn't all. My title is about contrast. First, she walked away.
Later, she pulled in closer than ever.
I was showing her how to hold her baby when feeding it a toy bottle. She took the bottle and crawled into my lap and pretended to drink from it while saying that she was the baby. We talked a little about her drinking the baby's milk all up. Claire Kaichen then suggested that we go to the store and buy two bottles for her so she wouldn't drink the baby's. I said, "Later" and we went on with folding laundry and watering plants. But, she didn't forget.
I wanted to avoid this bottle thing. The attachment people had urged us to give Ana and Jenny bottles when they came home. All that accomplished was getting me some painful bites and creating really negative feelings in me.
But Claire insisted. So, we went to Walmart and bought two small bottles. We also picked out a toy. When we got home, I sat the toy down hoping to distract her. Nothing doing. She wanted the bottle. I suggested we eat lunch first. No. She wanted that bottle.
So, we washed the bottle and filled it with milk. She crawled in my arms and snuggled close and drank. For the first time, her little body stopped being stiff and on alert. She relaxed into me and drank her bottle. It was so peaceful. It was so right.
My heart swelled with love for this precious girl and for the God who is allowing me to to be her mama. I don't know why. I don't deserve this treasure. I don't feel adequate to meet all her needs. But, God picked me. He will enable me to meet all the challenges. For right now, I just sit and ponder the love of God that can put so much love in the heart of strangers and weave us together into a family. And I'm amazed by the picture of adoption that reflects God's love for His children. Oh, tonight my heart overflows. God's love is so much bigger than my thoughts usually allow.
"I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3: 17-19)
|All dressed up, with nowhere to go!|
|Snack time is a very important time of the day. She prefers ice cream, but will settle for Ritz crackers with Nutella and bananas. Oh, and chocolate milk. Hey, bananas are healthy...and the crackers are whole wheat!|
|Bubbles in the bathtub become all kinds of interesting things. This was soup with bubble rice. Want some?|
|Baby enjoys an occasional ride outside, but she really likes to dance on the counter tops and fly around the house. She is some baby.|
|Bubbles, the easy way.|
|This is a lot more complicated than it looks.|
|Like the castle I built? I'm going to live in it when I get little.|